In another moment down went Alice after it, never once considering how in the world she was to get out again.

Friday, February 27, 2009

Teacup ride gone wrong.

Remember this ride as a kid? Apparently it's a very old Disney ride, fashioned after the Mad Hatter's tea party. You'd sit in the cups which spin round and around, alikened to Alice, the hatter and the march hare's experience of an unbirthday party.

A very merry unbirthday to you!

Anyway, I digress. Teacups may spin all they want, but cars certainly should not spin so. No siree. Cars spinning like teacup rides is the epitome of bad. Especially while you're in it.

It happened along the way back from work at night, driving down the highway. It was raining, and I noticed that as I drove along that the car would jerk from side to side a bit at times. Must be the puddles of water I figured, so I went slower. It was odd cos I've been that fast on wet roads before but the car would never behave like that. Recently the car had been acting up - some time ago, after a quick sharp turn it jerked a bit out of control but I thought it wouldn't be a problem now. I was going down the middle lane, moving straight ahead on the highway.

Then it happened. My steering wheel hadn't so much as budged, but the car swerved violently and suddenly to the left. ALL the way left. So much so that it started to spin. Once, twice, three full circles maybe. Maybe more.

I oddly very calm at the time. I just kept my hands on the steering wheel to keep it straight (for all the good that was doing me), and let the car spin itself. Somehow, I wasn't worried that my car spinning completely out of control was going to kill me. So I just let itself spin til it wanted to stop.

And stop it did, after smashing into the barrier on the side of the road. If it had gone through the barrier, I would have dropped down a slope. I was facing the wrong way on traffic, on the lane which lorries travel on.

Since I was unhurt, I immediately set to problem solving. I picked up my umbrella (it was raining heavily), phoned my mum for help and opened the boot to gain access to the triangle at the back. A honking lorry reminded me to flip on my hazard lights, and I gave up on the triangle as I was having trouble finding it and my mum on the phone was insisting I keep of the road. Couldn't really see past the boot to spot oncoming lorries anyway, and I didn't feel like pushing my luck that night.

The rest is just the usual chores after an accident; tow truck, police report, etc.


The oddest thing is, I didn't fear for my life at any point. Not while the car was spinning on the highway (which just so happened not to have cars behind or in front of me at the time, otherwise I'd be dead). Not right after the accident. And not now either. I'd imagine the fact that I could very well have died would have dawned on me by now and sent me reeling... but nope.

I'm finding it very odd, really. It's not like I'd want to die, far from it. I'm actually enjoying my life quite a bit right now, more than I ever have in a long time. Having this part of my life a little longer sure couldn't hurt.

Is it because I knew the speed I was spinning at wouldn't kill me when I hit the divider? (While I was spinning round and round, it occurred to me which side of the road I'd hit and that the crash may not kill me)

Is it because I realized there were no cars behind me at that moment, and cars that would arrive had time to see the spinning car that they could avoid?

If I suddenly faced death again, would I be just as calm? Even though I believe that death is the absolute end, and nothing more awaits me on the other side?

Somehow, I think I would be. I don't quite understand it just yet.

Friday, February 20, 2009

Another one for the rat

Rat: Be my Valentine?

Cat: ... You can't be serious?

Rat: Pretty please? Pretty pretty please? Pretty please with gumballs on top?

Cat: Right, I'm so out of here.

Ah, the pain of love rejected! Tis a love that cannot be...

(Hee. Again, I couldn't resist.)


Not enough for you? Here's a short one.


Monday, February 16, 2009

Boundaries/A.T. Fields

Shinji: A.T. Field!
Kaworu: Yes. You Lilims call it so. The holy region that must not be invaded by anyone. The light of mind. You, Lilims, are aware of that. Aware that the A.T. Field is the wall of mind that everyone has.


What can I say, I love Evangelion. A.T. Fields were forcefields possessed by monsters in the series called 'Angels', rendering invulnerable to all conventional attacks except by the mysterious mecha called Evangelions which could generate and nullify A.T. Fields. (Don't ask what A.T. stands for. It's just stupid)

"At the end of the series, it is revealed that all humans generate AT Fields (which are referred to as the 'light of the Soul'). This in turn is what allows humanity to retain their separate forms and remain fractured among individuals. It is essentially the wall within one's mind that fosters a sense of incompleteness, and is therefore the cause of loneliness and pain (and thus is the root cause of mankind's suffering). To break down these AT Fields is the goal of the Human Instrumentality Project." - The Nerv Archives

So the powerful force field in the anime represented the boundaries between people. Barriers that block the way to closer, more intimate relationships.

These boundaries are things that need to exist, otherwise we have our hearts broken and torn to pieces by the malicious and the good-intent alike. We can't open our hearts completely to everyone we meet. We need to be selective, to draw our physical and mental boundaries.

Boundaries are not always very visible or obvious. People with poor social understanding (like Asperger's for example) may have difficulty recognizing another person's boundaries. For that matter, different people may have different boundaries, coming from different cultures. It's not always obvious.

When is it okay to touch someone's hand? During a date? Only after some affection is established?

What about ruffling one's hair? Who would find it demeaning, who wouldn't?

Poking a friend in the ribs or sides?

Dancing topless in a club together with some friends?

Meeting a friend of the opposite, just the two of you, when one of you is married?

Bringing a meal to your ex?

Is it okay to declare how much you appreciate them as a friend? What if they're interested in going further, but in reality you're not sure?

I think I've been guilty of overstepping someone's boundary recently. A friend of mine was teasing me excessively and being a wee bit mean (I don't remember why anymore, lol. I bear few grudges to my friends!). So I retaliated with a quick squeeze of his buttocks. Ahhhhhh, that felt good. The reaction of shock too was reinforcing. Very satisfying if I do say so myself.

Okay, maybe a little too shocked... erm. Did I make a boo boo again? >.< (So sorry, you know who you are!)



Is it okay for AT Fields to hurt you and others once more?

I don't mind. But, what are you two within my heart?

Hope. The hope that people might be able to understand one another.

And the words 'I love you'.

But that's just pretending - a self-intoxicating belief... like a prayer.
It can't possibly last forever.
Sooner or later I'll be betrayed... And they'll leave me.
Still... I want to meet them again, because I believe my feelings at that time were real.


Click here for a music video (embedding not allowed)

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Weight gain, part 2

So I did some shopping.

1. One loaf of wholemeal bread (high five)
2. Olive oil
3. Peanut butter
4. tomato juice
5. Apple juice
6. Wheat cereal
7. 3 cartons of soya milk for said cereal
8. 200gms of turkey ham
9. Prunes
10. Wholemeal biscuits

...I'm not sure if I'm going to put on weight first, or die of diabetes.

Monday, February 09, 2009

Weight gain

Off again and on again, I've been trying to gain weight throughout my life with little success. Wouldn't be too surprised if I've mentioned it on the blog before. Usually I can maintain a weight of about 64kg or so, but I've never breached that weight. But I kind of suspect that I don't weight that much any more because I haven't been trying very hard to maintain it. What with the recent responsibilities being dumped on me. The other telling fact, well, you know how some people have veins visible on their forearms? Mine are becoming more and more visible all over.

So I bought a weighing scale for my new apartment. I tried it out immediately upon reaching home of course. *Toing* goes the scale... 60kg.


Right, a weight gain program is in order. The trouble is, knowing my body type, indiscriminate fat gain will lead to a bloated, protruding belly while the rest of my body will stay thin. I've never experienced it myself, but let's just say I've seen it in a close relative. Trust me, it looks as bad as it sounds.

So lies the problem of gaining weight and still looking... decent. Solution? Gain muscle mass, not *just* fat mass.

Whatever the case, first thing to do is eat more. Not fat, but more protein and carbo, apparently. Something like that. So for lunch today at Nando's with the guys I had a whole half chicken instead of a quarter, along with side dishes. Alas, the problems associated with high protein intake reared it's ugly head soon enough.

In trying to gain weight but stay flat (stomached), I had to suffer flatulence the whole day. (Sorry Alex!)

Maybe I should just stock my fridge instead.