In another moment down went Alice after it, never once considering how in the world she was to get out again.

Sunday, December 28, 2008

Return of the King



Greeeeetings, foolish mortals! It is I once again, your LORD, Ruthless DICTATOR, Peerless RULER, Royal HIGHNESS, and MASTER (or LORD and MASTER for short), SUPER BOING BOING!

Of course, you must have wondered why I have failed to grace this pathetic blog with my glorious presence for so long. How all of you, my subjects, must have suffered from my absence! It is to my great regret to inform ll of you that my current location is the result of the blackest of betrayals. Much suffering awaits those who have betrayed me and attempted to incapacitate me.

In a grand plot to overthrow me, Mrbunnyban has dared to conspire with Shane to leave me in the clutches of *choke*... the 3 year old brother.

Alas, my suffering under the child has been great - the stuff of legend. Even my great stamina and wit is but nought before the might of such a terrible force of nature. The torture... it is indescribable. I will not burden your minds with the details of my stay in Shane's household, as such tales will surely pauge lesser minds with nightmares for the rest of your lives.

But you see, the time of my reckoning is at hand! The despicable Mrbunnyban's relationship with Shane has soured, and the terms of the deal that sealed my prison are becoming undone. I nearly escaped the child's clutches last Christmas as I was to be brought to the Bloggers' Christmas gathering at Doctor Paul's abode to discuss new terms of inprisonment.

It was the perfect opportunity for me to escape in MrBunnyBan's own vehicle and wreck my vengence upon his new home that he has fashioned for himself. Ah, how sweet that would be. Just thinking of my vengence brings a smile to my face... teeheeheeheeheehee.

Alas, it was not to be - I ran afoul of Shane and his treacherous ways, who refused to bring me to the gathering. Such idiocy will not go unpunished, I assure you. There shall be much tears. Oh, yes.

So close, yet so far.

But fear not, my gentle subjects. I can sense that victory is close! Rejoice, for Super Boing Boing shall soon be free again!


(SBB seal of approval)

Friday, December 26, 2008

Profiling awkwardness

Have I ever mentioned that I detest profiling, gay profiling in particular? Oh, right, I have. Well, guess who's back poking profiles after his recent breakup? Shane is, but I started poking around myself too. After all, Fridae.com is apparently giving out free one week perks for Christmas.

As far as I can tell though, straight profile sites have a bit more...dignity to them. When I visit gay profile sites sometimes I can't help but feel I'm visiting a meat market. >.>



Nice to meet you, Mr. Misc Abdomen! How do you do?


Personally though... socially inept people like myself don't really know how to break the ice even when I find someone decent looking. How on earth does one intro themselves to another person they hardly know gracefully... and yet make an impression? Looking back, I think all my attempts to message these strangers thus far have been neither graceful nor making a good impression.

--------

Ban: Hi there.... er, maybe it's not such a good idea that you use your real name for your profile? You're in the closet right?

-------

Ban: Hey, ...I noticed you wrote you're not looking for ONS yet you've listed yourself as looking for action/sex in your profile. Just thought I'd point it out.

-------

Okay, two messages ain't all that many but I'm still kicking myself over it now. What's two profiles in the sea of profiles, right? ...meh.

I'm not sure why I bother. Like I said before, it's not like I really want to look for a replacement boyfriend. I could use some of the stability of singlehood right now, after the last relationship. I'm not even feeling remotely lonely, and I don't think it would be very fair to the next bf-to-be that I'm on a rebound. So why bother?

Consider; I'm already 28. My first and last relationship went bust only very recently. Finding someone decent willing to date on profiles can be an extremely length process, what with having to sift through piles upon piles of pictures of pecs/abdominals and empty profile descriptions. I guess my pragmatic side is telling me to start looking now so that I don't stay single the rest of my life. Now if only it would tell me to brush up my self-introduction skills before saying hi to the next decent guy. @.@

Thursday, December 25, 2008

What season is it again?

How very curious. I used to look forward to Christmas when I was a kid. When I had just lost my faith, Christmas time used to fill me with annoyance. This time however I'm pretty indifferent towards Christmas. I hardly noticed Christmas at all, in spite of the fact that I had to quickly buy presents, come down to my hometown for gathering with relatives (and sing carols with them to boot) and my friends are even having a Christmas gathering after Xmas. But I hardly realize it's Christmas. That's very unusual for me, considering its such an important occasion for everyone around me and considering my upbringing.

I guess as life moves on and responsibilities start to pile up, things like religious holidays and family gatherings tend to be far from the mind. I guess the break-up had something to do with it too. I'm just going to lump it together with everything else that's 'part of growing up'.

...I wonder how all my friends at the church long ago are celebrating their Christmas.

Monday, December 22, 2008

Freedom of speech

Freedom of speech is essentially about a control of flow of ideas, concepts, philosophies. Let’s simplify all these types of information into two different types; ideas which bring a net benefit or net loss to the society when allowed to propagate, be believed and understood.

Ideas are constantly flowing regardless of government policy to control it, but there are natural mechanisms which control not only how much ideas flow but also how well these ideas are received. Both affect one another – how much people will try to supply a specific idea is affected by (but not depended on) how well it will be received. There are many other factors which affect the supply of an idea, but let’s concentrate on the factors which affect on how well the idea will be received (this can be called the ‘demand’ for the idea).

Consider the philosophical belief of pacifism. Pacifism has its roots from religion, believing that all conflict is sinful in the eyes of God. How well pacifism is received is affected by what the believer has to gain from such a belief compared to competing beliefs. For example, societies that are powerless and unable to triumph in combat have little to gain in choosing aggressive stances in their religious beliefs and thus be more inclined to accept pacifism. Societies that already have an understanding of how destructive conflict can be (or believe that conflict results in a net loss to society) may few pacifism with some degree of respect.

Essentially, what were really considering is the evolution of ideas – which ideas thrives and which ideas die out are determined by factors which have not yet been studied nor well identified. Assuming such factors exist, these factors may encourage or discourage the propagation and acceptance of ideas which provide a net benefit to society. For reasons of simplicity, we will call the factors inherent within a society that determines how well beneficial ideas propagate, the society’s maturity.

Freedom of speech can a likened to a free market economy. There are no checks and balances, so any idea is free to propagate. However, the benefits of freedom of speech may be limited if the inherent society’s maturity is not adequate to allow more beneficial ideas to propagate and take root in the hearts and minds of its people. An understanding of the factors inherent within the society so that freedom of speech can be beneficial to the society that implements it.

------

Take note that this discussion only considers the 'direct' benefits of freedom of speech without considering how a lack of total freedom of speech can lead to abuse by government bodies seeking to control the population.

Monday, December 15, 2008

Settling in

Well, things seem to be falling into place nowadays. House is getting done and I should have somewhere to stay soon. Research project is looking good although I'm starting to wonder whether it's going to have enough steam behind it for a full PhD. I'll have to give that some more thought.

I'd like to thank everyone that's taken the trouble to ask me how I am, be it via email, sms, phone or gtalk. I've always replied the same way, that I'm fine. Isn't it wierd? I've just broken up after making so many sacrifices for a relationship, gave in the towel and called it a day. Why am I fine?

Odd thing is, I because I keep telling everyone I'm fine I never really got to tell people my side of the story. Why did I want to break up? Couldn't we have made it work? Why didn't I try harder?

I guess it doesn't matter, after all. Who is wrong, who is right, what mistakes we made. Sometimes we understand the situation and can move on, learning from out mistakes. Sometimes we can't. We take what we can get out of any situation, break-ups included. I believe know what went wrong and why we aren't compatable. And I believe I know a bit more about myself and a bit more about what I should do next time around.

And really, that's enough for me. I'm don't ask for much.

Wednesday, December 03, 2008

End of a relationship...again

Yes, I know we've been here before. Makes you wonder how many times Shane and I will break up over the span of our lives. Will this be the last? I don't know.

I'm not going to go into all the sordid details - you'll have to ask me personally about that. I think we've both made plenty of mistakes along the way. Towards the end, I was putting everything I hold dear in life in jeopardy for the sake of the relationship and I was becoming more and more spiteful and angry. I had no choice but to end it where it was.

At least this way, we can both walk away and still want to be friends.

As for me, it's time for me to worry about my own needs and wants for a change. Time to set about putting my priorities in order and run the good race. Hopefully, it isn't too late to put things right. But at least I can say I did my best, whatever I set out to do. I'll hold my head up high.

It was a good two years. Thank you for all the good times, even the bad. I truly belief we'll both be better of for the experience of loving and learning. Walk well, Shane.

--end of an era

Friday, October 10, 2008

Chain story, chapter 2

CHAPTER ONE

It wasn't a dark and stormy night - that's really a clichéd beginning for a story.

For Julien, it was bright enough to see the faint outline of Philip's naked body. Philip was sleeping soundly on the silk satin bedsheet, but Julien just couldn't even get his eyes close on that full moon night. He was looking out the dusty windows, lightly holding the almost empty wine glass. Then, he caught a glimpse of a shadow... who was this stranger in the night?

Julien silently shut the window and kept in the shadows, to avoid being silhouetted in the moonlight. "Must get the job done quickly now," he thought while appreciating Philip's physique, "before he gets back." He downed the remains of the wine, then took out his garrotte.

Why do I always get the good-looking ones? he pondered as he got into bed, cradled Philip's head and slid the garrotte around Philip's neck.

Then Julien yanked and Philip jerked awake, only to have Julien flip him facedown on the bed and pressed his body down on his, his face smothered by the pillow and Julien still strangling him, when the bedroom door slammed open.

Julien retreat off of the bed leaving Philip's lifeless body. Swiftly he reached for his shirt, knocking the wine glass off the side table.

"What have you done?!!", a loud voice came from the door, "Not this one, not right here!!".

Julien stood by the bed quiet as a mice, with his head hanging low. The light from the door shine into the dark room, as if spotlighted onto Philip's body while a shadow grew longer reaching the face of Philip. But then it stopped. The creeping shadow halted, as if time stood still, and the approaching figures outside the door had frozen in place. Julien kept silent, his eyes and ears, vigilant, knowing that even the slightest of movements could trigger the shadows - the frozen figures that spoke of undesired calamity.

"For Hera’s sake, could you please keep that aside?! I strictly told you to refrain yourself from using the powerful one... Wait. He’s still in there. I can sense his energy. His fear. Even so, our beloved Phillip is far too devious to just play dead. Fine. Use it."

It was a man, and he was not alone.

One of the men produced a verrrry suspicious-looking phallic instrument about 8 inches long which he flicked on. Brilliant white light shone forth from it to illuminate the scene at the bed but Julien wasn't anywhere in sight.

"I really wish you didn't bring that obscene looking flash light of yours here. Couldn't you be a little more serious about work?"

"Oh, don't bother about me and keep concentrating on finding him."

"Just switch on light, dimwit!!"

Julien looked around him. Now he had to get a way out of the room, and it had to be quick before the guys found him. For the moment, jumping out from the windows was his only option.

After a minute of rummaging around, one of the guys managed to find the light switch....."I found it!" he says and flicked the switch but nothing happened. The light wouldn't turn on and both of them turned their attention to the faulty switch.

This was the diversion Julien has been waiting for. Swiftly, he sprinted fast and silently like a cat towards the opened window. It was freezing cold with winter winds but he had to get out of there.

"Stop right there if you still want to be in one piece."

Julien froze as his mind was turning quick about what to do next when the light suddenly came on.

"You idiot, told you to switch on the lights and you got the socket." The man had a gun in his hand, pointing straight at Julien. "So you think you can get away this time? I don't think so."

"You must know, bullets won't do me any harm," Julien replied calmly, while still thinking about a way to get out of this situation.

"Heh heh... I have the powerful one to help me this time. It's game over for you now."

"Is that so? Let's see how fast your bullets are," Julien replied and he dashed to the door with supersonic speed, knocked the second guy who is blocking at the door to the floor. The first guy fires his gun towards Julien continuously but all of them misses the target, and without any hesitant, Julien sped to the main door but his steps stopped there.

"Hi Julien."

"Freddie... Get out of my way."

"Awwww... Why the rush? How long we haven't seen each other? Don't you miss me?"

Julien was immediately stunned by that statement. Yes. Julien used to have a wonderful time with Freddie. Freddie, being a pilot, was required to fly around at least twice a month, for a period of two weeks each time. Whenever Freddie was in another country, he would definitely give Julien a call, started off saying, "Don't you miss me?"

"GET OUT OF MY WAY! I SAID!"

All of a sudden, the temperature of the room dropped drastically. 25… 22… 15… 5… 0… -10. Everything in the room became lifeless, frozen in a black thick sheet of ice. Julien's eyes were glowing in green and his lips curved into a sinister smile. "I told ya".

But even as he turned to make his getaway, Julien found himself tensing as he felt something cold and sinister slip between his ribs. Green eyes widened in silent astonishment as he slid lifelessly to the ground clutching at the slim dagger piercing his side, teardrops of scarlet dripping heedlessly to the ground.

"Tsk tsk... I knew you would betray me, Julien. I'm not the man you thought I was. Do you think I'd be such a foolish dupe? You're certainly not the first assassin who has tried. Ever since you first accidentally bumped into me, I've had your moves tracked. I know who you work for, Julien. And I decided to test your loyalty as Freddie as well."

That familiar voice was chillingly clear even as Julien's vision blurred with every moment that passed. "W-what? Phillip? But I killed..."

"Tried to kill me twice, didn't you?" Freddie's face changed like liquid metal metamorphosing into the face of the man he loved. Phillip?

As he lay dying, Julien watched his killer through blurred vision. First, it was Freddie, then now Phillip - but, but wasn't Phillip already dead on the bed, smothered under the pillow with the iron wire twisted so deeply that it cut into the flesh of his muscular neck? Unless this was all really a dream (and it would be a terrible ending for a story), then Phillip wouldn't really be standing before him now - would he?

But there was Phillip still - his muscular physique firm and clear, silhouetted in the glow of the full moon. Although Julien could hardly see now - the idea, the very aura of this twist of events was admittedly beyond his expectations. But then, he had never expected much anyway - it was always assignment after assignment of murder, from the very first day he was born. Julien was his name of course, but it was new - known only to the men the Fraternity's Loom of Destiny had ordered execution, and the members of the Fraternity themselves. But from where he once trained, there were no names. They were given numbers.

Suddenly there were rays of light and loud chants... that's the last thing he remembers before he passed out. The sweet smell of myrrh mixed with honey was the first thing that came to his mind as he regained consciousness. Julien couldn't move his body, an indescribable sense of heaviness surrounds his body.

"Don't move, I've put a healing charm on you... plus a binding spell."

"Who are you?.... where am I?...." asked Julien in weak voice, at the same time noticing that he is not having any clothes on...

"Foolish assassin, the Fraternity has betrayed you and left you for dead," intoned his captor who immediately wove another spell to break his mind. His mind reeling from the psychic attack, Julien scrambled to find his inner sanctuary, his center. "You are merely grasping at straws, assassin," taunted his captor as the chants intensified. "That voice... could it be?!" thought Julien as every muscle in his powerful body strained against the magical onslaught.

"Soon, my pet, you shall be the property of the Sorority..."

CHAPTER TWO

There stood Belinda, the Head Mama of the Sorority of Lesbianas, tall and proud. Her black, shiny hair flowed to her voluptuous breasts and a thin cashmere scantily covered her lean body.

Around her are the Sorority Sisters, who do her biddings with utmost loyalty. And they don't seem to like the presence of a man in their headquarters. But that might change soon, as Belinda has indicated that Julien to be inducted "to become one of them"... unless Julien comes up with an escape plan swiftly!

Julien, weakened under the spell, stared at the many breasts surrounding him. Soft, pale skin caressed by the silkiest of satins outlining every single detail of the women of the Sorority. His eyes trailed up their long, smooth legs all the way till satin barely covered their sex.

Julien felt a yearning, a fire burning in his groin. He wanted in.

One of Belinda's posse with blonde tresses started to giggle when Julien got aroused. "Ahem", Belinda hisses, staring at the giggling girl angrily which made all the commotion ended. "Rest my boy," Belinda said as she turn and walk out of the room, "Soon you'll know your fate". Her posse followed close behind before the door shut closed.

"So they found fresh meat, it seems", a voice of a man came from a corner of the room, "I wonder what they'll do with you".

"Well, they did say something about making me become one of them," Julien started to say while turning around, "Name's Julien...Oh!"

Before Julien was a beautiful, well-muscled and very naked man, who was also a beautiful, well-muscled and very naked woman.

"Right, I have a good idea what they mean by making you one of them from firsthand experience. I used to be Pavel...now I am known as Pavella."

Sunday, October 05, 2008

Baju Melayu

Right, I reaaally haven't been blogging all that much lately. But that's easily rectified.

Raya season has been a bit special this year. I've been staying at the bf's place for quite an extended period this time. Now and then I'd fast and Sahur with the family for the past month. Fasting isn't too hard for a few days, but i think it was wearing me down eventually so I stopped.

We shopped for sets of baju Melayu for the boys in the family including myself. Took quite a doing as the boys were extremely fussy about how they looked in their new threads. I had a chance to visit shopping malls that are popular with Malay folk like Mydin, but in the end found my clothes in Jaya Jusco on the very last day before Hari Raya itself, so they were going for 50% off. Not too shabby.

What were the clothes for? A photo shoot with the whole family. We all posed together many many many times for photographs of the whole family in Shane's house. I have to say the photos turned out pretty well.

So what was I wearing? A reddish brown baju melayu with pants, a black songket with gold embroidery, and a songkok. The songkok was a bit out of place though (isn't it a Muslim thing?) as it made my forehead too prominent. >.<

Sunday, September 28, 2008

Indulgence

Recently, I've watched Mamma Mia in the cinema, twice. Both times for my darling's birthday actually. Now, I'm not really much of an ABBA fan so to speak but I respect their talent and I don't mind listening to ABBA now and then. Now and then. Two hours of continuous ABBA songs however...

But I digress. Mamma Mia is good. Yes, it really is, notwithstanding of my relatively low tolerance for the show's music (which is admittedly far better than say, Sweeney Todd's music, but Sweeney Todd's music is forgetable anyway). It is an expertly crafted musical with excellent acting talent (two words: Meryl Streep) which very very successfully incorporates almost all of ABBA's best hits into a coherent plot that actually flows quite well.

I could sum up Mamma Mia in one word; Indulgent.

Yes, it's the most indulgent movie I have ever watched. Nevermind Speed Racer, Iron Man, Street Fighter, X-Men or whatever movie whose popularity hangs on an established fanbase. Mamma Mia is by far the most indulgent movie to fans of music and knows it; it specifically targets middle aged women (mostly) who came from the ABBA generation. The star of the show isn't the girl getting married who doesn't know who her real father is, it's the girl's mum. An unusual choice from a regular sript writing perspective, to be sure.

Further, there are just too many scenes where music normally would not be played in your average musical but ABBA tunes are slotted in to make sure the fans hear as many of their favourite songs they can in a space of two hours. Shane commented that the song "Slipping through my fingers" during the scene where Sophie is dressing for her wedding shouldn't be there because it was a rubbish song that wasn't a hit; but IMO it was the most well placed song in the entire show IMO as compared to a lot of the other songs. Don't forget the demographic of the movie audience; middle aged women from the ABBA generation who likely have their own children. What other song can capture the feeling of a mother helping her daughter dress for a wedding, about to leave her alone to the island herself?

Anyway, as I said. Utterly, utterly indulgent.

Friday, September 19, 2008

SBB's Contender

Oh noes! What with all the evil furry things?




FEEEEL the EBIL!

---------

Yes, I'm lazy. :P

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Birthday party '08

Well, it's a bit late to blog about this but better late than never.

I was forewarned by my darling that most people were not turning up. So the birthday party was going to be a quick lunch with Dr. Paul, Queerant and Azzuro Hyperion. It was a pretty brief affair, and everybody was in a rush to go somewhere else after that. God knows why.

By now you can probably tell the birthday lunch was a setup. The REAL party only came a few hours later at the darling's home, where everybody was gathering for a surprise party. And yes, I was surprised. But not without much moping and depression while I was still at the shopping mall (where the darling insisted we stay until he knew the guys had gatehred). My mum says I'm spoilt cos 5 people at a birthday party is nothing to get depressed about.

Normally that would be tue - I've spent plenty of birthdays with no celebration whatsoever. No problem. But nowadays, with the lavish parties we've been giving everyone among our friends so far I felt very left out.

But enough about that. For presents, I got a new phone (score!), a cute beanie hat (cute, but when will I wear it in this climate?), a bath scrubby hand thingy and a vibrating hand thingy that scares little children. I kid you not. Unfortunately, pictures are not available right now (me has no camera that can hook up to lappie).

Thanks to everyone that made it - I'm SO VERY GLAD you came! No, kidding. >.< For those of you who couldn't, you were missed but are still remembered and sayang-ed! (Xavier and Adik, that means you two. :p ) Also, thanks to my darling for planning the birthday.

Tuesday, August 05, 2008

Chain story

What a remarkable idea! Sorry I'm a little late, had browser problems yesterday.

Alex:
It wasn't a dark and stormy night - that's really a clichéd beginning for a story. For Julien, it was bright enough to see the faint outline of Philip's naked body. Philip was sleeping soundly on the silk satin bedsheet, but Julien just couldn't even get his eyes closed on that full moon night. He was looking out the dusty windows, lightly holding the almost empty wine glass. Then, he caught a glimpse of a shadow... who was this stranger in the night?

Janvier :
Julien silently shut the window and kept in the shadows, to avoid being silhouetted in the moonlight. "Must get the job done quickly now," he thought while appreciating Philip's physique, "before he gets back." He downed the remains of the wine, then took out his garrotte.

Why do I always get the good-looking ones? he pondered as he got into bed, cradled Philip's head and slid the garrotte around Philip's neck. Then Julien yanked and Philip jerked awake, only to have Julien flip him facedown on the bed and pressed his body down on his, his face smothered by the pillow and Julien still strangling him, when the bedroom door slammed open.

Froggie:
Julien retreat off of the bed leaving Philip's lifeless body. Swiftly he reached for his shirt, knocking the wine glass off the side table. "What have you done?!!", a loud voice came from the door, "Not this one, not right here!!". Julien stood by the bed quiet as a mice, with his head hanging low. The light from the door shine into the dark room, as if spotlighted onto Philip's body while a shadow grew longer reaching the face of Philip.

Adik's turn:

But then it stopped. The creeping shadow halted, as if time stood still, and the approaching figures outside the door had frozen in place. Julien kept silent, his eyes and ears, vigilant, knowing that even the slightest of movements could trigger the shadows - the frozen figures that spoke of undesired calamity.

“For Hera’s sake, could you please keep that aside?! I strictly told you to refrain yourself from using the powerful one…Wait. He’s still in there. I can sense his energy. His fear. Even so, our beloved Phillip is far too devious to just play dead. Fine. Use it.”

It was a man, and he was not alone.


Huh? What am I supposed to do with this???


My turn:
One of the men produced a verrrry suspicious-looking phallic instrument about 8 inches long which he flicked on. Brilliant white light shone forth from it to illuminate the scene at the bed but Julien wasn't anywhere in sight.

"I really wish you didn't bring that obscene looking flash light of yours here. Couldn't you be a little more serious about work?"

"Oh, don't bother about me and keep concentrating on finding him."

-----------
(Had to edit to keep to 5 sentence rule)
Ok, this leaves a few holes in the story still. Who is Julien waiting for? What was the shadow outside the window? Who were these men and why did they want Julien (or do they?)?

Anyway, time to pass the buck. Apollo David, you're next!

Friday, July 11, 2008

Convocation!

Well, I just attended my convocation not long ago. Quite an extravagant affair really. I had to be dressed in robes that had large bat wing-like sleeves and the usual mortarboard hat. All the speakers gave meaningful motivational speeches (or at least my mother thinks so), and each graduate was greeted by the MC with a 'duff' of the hat.




No, not that Duff.


It ended with the graduates walking out of the hall to be greeted the applause of all the guests (i.e. the happy parents). All in all, quite a pleasant affair. Mum was particularly pleased that she got to attend her son's convocation this time around (I and my bro didn't attend our first degree's convo), and was continuously commenting how her own convocation in UM was never so lavish. Perhaps it's because it was held in Singapore? They even welcomed the vice-chairperson (er, whatever he's called) and staff with... a "trumpets voluntary".



I was giggling as they came in to the music. Somehow it sounded so silly at the time. I guess trumpets to welcome VIPs will always sound garish to me.

Tuesday, July 01, 2008

Reboot

Lately, my old laptop has been giving me problem after problem. Double clicking on "my documents" refused to open the documents folder, svchost constantly going haywire, very slow startup among other things. So it was time to reinstall everything.

Easier said than done. I didn't have a recovery disk for some reason. My darling did some research for me and found that we had to make our own. So I went out to buy a few DVDs to burn the recovery disk with. Was really tired today, and my darling ended up staying up on my behalf until 3am to fix up my laptop for me, leaving me a message to read in the morning.



Finally! Set your lappie the way it was when it was new! :)

(hearts) Reformatted computer just the way you'd like it. :) Installed...

...Hugs, love and lots of smoochums for my cutie-pie,
Shane (hearts)

p/s: your XP had to undergo 99 updates!!! And i finished at 3.48am. Official time. :P



Isn't he sweet? :D

Thursday, June 26, 2008

Mating of honor

So I watched "Made of Honor". Pretty cliche film about someone trying to steal his love interest from marriage to someone else, though admittedly they carried it out well. Patrick Dempsey plays the guy who sleeps around and has suddenly decided that he wants his best friend for more than just friendship after many years of . But alas, the girl has already found her man, yadda yadda.

What does the girl say though? Something like "I need someone who I can trust. Someone who will stay with me for the rest of my life." Well, obviously.

Which brings up a point. You see, current gay culture/wisdom dictates that young gay men should 'enjoy their youth' so to speak, and make relationships later. There is some very valid point here: simply, the young are too dumb/immature/whimsical/whatever to hold relationships for long. That's a pretty crude way to say it and overgeneralized, but it's true often enough that young people can't hold their relationships in spite of their efforts due to inexperience. So why bother to hook up with someone when you're almost doomed for failure? Might as well have some fun now, and when you're older and wiser you can look for a relationship. Most of the other gay guys are looking for serious relationships only then anyway.

You can probably tell that I don't quite agree with this sentiment. Now, I have nothing against having sex with other guys when you're unattached. Nobody's getting hurt as long as you're doing it safely. But the whole "don't bother hooking up when you're young" thing? That doesn't sound right to me for practical reasons. You see, one may be more matured when they're older. Maybe. But if little effort has been made to hold a lasting relationship, that person has missed on on a lot of experience and learning how to maintain one.

The young make lots more mistakes and fail more? Sure. But you learn through your mistakes. (Hopefully) Sure, go and have some fun. There's nothing wrong in that. But just remember, most gay men end up alone and lonely later. Gay men may want to start building the right skills now, doom to failure or not. Maybe then when we finally meet Mr. Right, we won't mess it up so badly.

Thursday, May 29, 2008

Work and Breaks

Yesterday I had a nasty neckache after a whole day of lecture - apparently the stress was making me hunch over the whole time. I paid for that the rest of the night, still feeling it today.

I don't have so many students this year, so I can make sure that every one of them understands what I'm teaching. It also means that my teaching goes significantly faster ...or maybe I just teach fast. Probably the latter. Anyway, I finished my lecture content way ahead schedule.

Problem to fill in the time? Nah. I've got lots of other related stuff I can teach as well. Just give them a quick exercise and I can pull out a presentation on...

"Teacher.... enough lar!"

Eh?

At which point the students start lamenting how few breaks I've been giving and how (although the content is very relevant and they understand what I'm teaching) I have been trying to pour too much information into their heads in too short a space of time. Apparently I'm one of the most gruelling lecturers they have who gives breaks that are too short and too infrequent.

"Curi-curi a bit lar... you see, you also get so tired at the end of the lecture!"

Hrm. Good point. Why torture the students and myself so much?

Personally, I think it's spillover from my work as a teacher. I'm too used to a hectic, almost completely filled work schedule with little to no breaks for the whole time I'm at work. Maybe that's why I'm so tired after work. And why work is so time consuming and I'm not able to keep in touch with my friends and family when work starts to pile in.

I miss everyone. :(

Sunday, April 20, 2008

The day Sunway stood still

So I took part in the Freeze. Yeah, it's an event where everyone participating decides to stop moving for no apparent reason. Everybody synchronizes their watches beforehand and are given specific instructions by someone a good thirty minutes before the deadline. When people around them stop moving suddenly, onlookers are confused and they draw lots of attention. And after 4 minutes, the frozen people start moving again as they were before the Freeze, as if nothing happened.

Cool huh?

Except in the Malaysian Version, nobody synchronized their watches. Participants who are slow to respond must be commanded to stop moving by everyone counting down the freeze together. Worse, after the participants show no sign of *unfreezing* since they're not keeping track of 4 minutes, they need to be babied along through *another* countdown. After which much cheering, clapping and even screaming commences. Oh yes, much subtlety was lost.

Still, it was fun taking advantage of Shane while he was frozen. :P

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

God is dead? You wish.

God is dead. God remains dead. And we have killed him. How shall we comfort ourselves, the murderers of all murderers? What was holiest and mightiest of all that the world has yet owned has bled to death under our knives: who will wipe this blood off us? What water is there for us to clean ourselves? What festivals of atonement, what sacred games shall we have to invent? Is not the greatness of this deed too great for us? Must we ourselves not become gods simply to appear worthy of it?

– Nietzsche, The Gay Science, Section 125, tr. Walter Kaufmann


Oh yes. Tis the season to get all philosophical, tralalalala, lalalala. Hey, don't blame me! Sam started it, and Alexander continued debating it .

"God is dead" was Nietzsche's infamous quote, which is often misquoted (Personally, I think of an article from Time magazine). Nietzsche poses the problem associated with the death of god - that without a faith in an absolute being from which we can derive absolute truths, people are left without a source of absolute morality. Which leads to Nihilism, the philosophy that essentially says life is devoid of meaning and thus there are no ethics or right or wrong.

It was Nietzsche's hope that people would eventually *overcome* nihilism and move on to something else involving Übermensch or supermen or whatever which I find quite silly (no, Nietzsce wasn't reaaaaally nihilistic himself). But personally, I think he's quite mistaken in believing that atheism has a strong foothold on people. Religion is very much alive - as long as there is doubt, uncertainty and insecurity, people will look to religion for hope. And there always will be.

In the mean time, atheists continue to have the problem reconciling nihilism (the belief that life is meaningless and so is morality) with their lack of a faith in an absolute power. And as I have just discovered, atheists like myself are utterly useless at consoling people at funerals! Go figure. >.>

But then again, perhaps the bigger question to ask is; Does it really matter WHAT you believe? WHO you believe in? Would a good God (assuming God is worth worshiping) reaaaally mind if a good man picks the wrong religion to believe in, out of the many religions out there continually pushing for their faith?

Live your life as best you can. Let God sort the rest.

Friday, April 04, 2008

Quotes from C.S. Lewis

So why would an aeithist quote a Christian writer on thoughts about the afterlife? I think Puddleglum says it best.


Puddleglum to the Witch-Queen of Underland: "One word. All you've been saying is quite right, I shouldn't wonder. I'm a chap who always liked to know the worst and then put the best face I can on it. So I won't deny any of what you said. But there's one thing more to be said, even so. Suppose we have only dreamed, or made up, all those things - trees and grass and sun and moon and stars and Aslan himself. Suppose we have. Then all I can say is that, in that case, the made-up things seem a good deal more important than the real ones. Suppose this black pit of a kingdom of yours is the only world. Well, it strikes me as a pretty poor one. And that's a funny thing, when you come to think of it. We're just babies making up a game, if you're right. But four babies playing a game can make a play-world which licks your real world hollow. That's why I'm going to stand by the play world. I'm on Aslan's side even if there isn't any Aslan to lead it. I'm going to live as like a Narnian as I can even if there isn't any Narnia."

* in The Silver Chair, by C. S. Lewis

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Great. But then, as many Christians would have you believe (along with Muslims or whatever religion), isn't almost everyone going to hell? After all, if you don't follow their religion you're going to hell - that sort of thing. What did C.S. Lewis think about that?


Emeth the Calormene: "So I went over much grass and many flowers and among all kinds of wholesome and delectable trees till lo! in a narrow place between two rocks there came to meet me a great Lion. The speed of him was like the ostrich, and his size was an elephant's; his hair was like pure gold and the brightness of his eyes, like gold that is liquid in the furnace. He was more terrible than the Flaming Mountain of Lagour, and in beauty he surpassed all that is in the world, even as the rose in bloom surpasses the dust of the desert. Then I fell at his feet and thought, Surely this is the hour of death, for the Lion (who is worthy of all honour) will know that I have served Tash all my days and not him. Nevertheless, it is better to see the Lion and die than to be Tisroc of the world and live and not to have seen him. But the Glorious One bent down his golden head and touched my forehead with his tongue and said, Son, thou art welcome. But I said, Alas, Lord, I am no son of Thine but the servant of Tash. He answered, Child, all the service thou has done to Tash, I account as service done to me. Then by reason of my great desire for wisdom and understanding, I overcame my fear and questioned the Glorious One and said, Lord, is it then true, as the Ape said, that thou and Tash are one? The Lion growled so that the earth shook (but his wrath was not against me) and said, It is false. Not because he and I are one, but because we are opposites. I take to me the services which thou hast done to him, for I and he are of such different kinds that no service which is vile can be done to me, and none which is not vile can be done to him. Therefore if a man swear by Tash and keep his oath for the oath's sake, it is by me that he has truly sworn, though he know it not, and it is I who reward him. And if any man do a cruelty in my name, then though he says the name Aslan, it is Tash whom he serves and by Tash his deed is accepted."

* in The Last Battle, by C. S. Lewis


This paragraph was soooooo obviously inspired from a passage from the bible:

"Then the righteous will answer him, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? 38 When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? 39 When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?'

40 "The King will reply, 'Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.'

Matthew 25: 37-40


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It's no secret that in spite of being an aeithist, I have a respect for C.S. Lewis's writings. One final quote:

And [this] is why I cannot give pederasty [homosexuality] anything like a first place among the evils of the Coll. There is much hypocrisy on this theme. People commonly talk as if every other evil were more tolerable than this. But why? ... The real reason for all the pother is, in my opinion, niether Christian nor ethical. We attack this vice not because it is the worst but because it is, by adult standards, the most disreputable and unmentionable, and happens also to be a crime in English law. The World will lead you only to Hell, but sodomy may lead you to jail and create a scandal, and lose you your job. The World, to do it justice, seldom does that.

* C. S. Lewis, in Surprised by Joy

Saturday, March 08, 2008

The flat

No, not a place to stay. Right after my lecture today, I met my darling for dinner along with his whole family. Halfway through though, I noticed that the tire was flapping. A quick stop at the petrol kiosk and yep, it was a flat!

How did it happen? Well this morning my car did run over a chair (it was parked outside where residents like to book places for their own cars by placing chairs and the like. one of the chairs happened to be under my car wheel I suppose).

But could it really be that? The wheel was only flat at dinner time- long after rolling over the chair in the morning. Perhaps it weakened the wheels enough to make it burst later.

Anyway, me and my darling worked hard to change the car tire with guidance from his dad. Apparently, Proton Waja spare wheels are half as large as the regular wheel because the regular wheels can't actually fit in the boot. >.> It looks really pathetic, and the car feels weird as I drive. Definitely must find a workshop tomorrow morning.

The dinner didn't work out though. Haiz...

Monday, March 03, 2008

It's working!

Hurrah, my hubby is brilliant! He fixed my internet!

Apparently, it was a problem with the registry. He googled til he found other people with the same problem until he found someone who had a fix, then downloaded the winsock fix for me. I'm impressed with his tenacity and persistence. Even my brother exclaimed his surprise that he actually managed to get my laptop running again. Hurrah!

Only thing is, I'm far too busy to blog often. I appear to have accepted too many part-time jobs. @.@ Two! Only two! I earn just about enough, but I'm completely swamped. Can't even continue onto a PhD cos I have too much work. :(

I miss everyone.

Friday, January 25, 2008

Sickness and despair!

Sickness and despair strikes us all in our times of need! Well, actually I was horribly sick yesterday after spending time at the bf's pad as usual, in spite of his whole household being ill. Thank goodness I was well enough to work today- i got pretty worried last night what with having to take 2+ hours to consume have a plate of rice due to feeling weak.

Oh yes, I'm working now. Can't tell much about it- anonymity and all. Part time job that pays for peaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaanuts. But good job experience, and it's just as well since i have a PHD to think about later. Can't really handle a PHD at the same time as a full time job methinks. (gah)

Anyway, all is well and I managed to get my work in today. Just as well too, since I'm being paid per hour. >.>

Well, of i go to have an early night.

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Juggling, demands

Phew, lots of juggling of responsibilities here. Well, actually, not all of them are responsibilities. Some are simply demands. So, which demands do I give in to? The ones from family? The loudest ones? The most persistent? The ones which throw the biggest tantrum when not met? The ones that keep piling up more demands?

The ones I have the most hope in?

Yeah, it's that kind of post today.

Monday, January 07, 2008

HOLY HIPPO!

Or unholy, more likely.


Hippo: "Awwwww, you're what a delicious looking blog reader you are. Lemme give you a kiss..."



Ban: Noooooo.... Leave my readers alone!
Hippo: Gah! Unhand me! It's just one bite! One biiite!
Ban: Nooooooooes!!!!!



>.<

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(It's my bro's christmas present. Yes, it's scaaaaaarry.)

Friday, January 04, 2008

Sleepless

I can't sleep. Okay, maybe the total lack of air conditioning in the room is bugging me. Or the lack of space on the bed (sharing with Shane). Or the fact that Shane's dad found the condom and had 'the talk' with me and Shane. I did have an afternoon nap earlier too.

I'm feeling nervous. I don't why. I don't actually want to go to sleep just yet. I think I'll spend the night writing a cover letter.There's some advice on the net that I can't use a sample cover letter for teaching positions. Bummer eh?

Sleep well, everyone.

Tuesday, January 01, 2008

Party your way to 2008!

A Christmas overnighter at the good doctor's, another overnighter for new years at Lifebook's pad, and a last minute pool party at Ezra's. Quite a few parties over a short space of time, and I'm wiped. In fact, I'm on the verge of falling sick. Maybe, I think I've managed to keep it away.

So, what was 2007 like for moi? It was about making mistakes, struggling with feelings, sorting through priorities, working towards goals, falling short, making some headway... pretty much the same as any other year really. Except this year I was attached to someone very precious to me. It's wonderful, yet a great deal of effort and sacrifice. Also, as noted in previous posts, I've made a great deal of special friends.

Specifics?
- I completed my Masters in Special Education. Did pretty good too, and I can tell you the course was no pushover. Finding a job that I actually needed that qualification for however... well, I'm still working on that.
- I maintained a distance relationship. That... is no joke. God knows how Suniyo and the Godfather manage it.
- I managed to get close to Shane's family. This was unexpected. ALL of them know I'm his boyfriend, and the father isn't thrilled with the idea of guys sleeping together in the same bed. How he can accept me is a big wonder. Then again, I did dedicate a ridiculous proportion of my time to stay at Shane's.
- My biological father had liver cancer. I won't discuss this in more detail here as it'd take forever.
- Partied like.... heck. See the next point.
- I spent waaaaaaaaaaay too much. I'm keeping track of whatever money flows out of my wallet and for what purpose, thanks to Shane's initiative. It helps, but it seems to be pretty hard to control. Dinners at restaurants, presents (Birthdays and Christmas season) and petrol mostly. I've never spent even near this much in my whole life put together compared to the past year. No, I'm serious. Estimated expenditure in the last 6 months is over RM(edited for privacy!). That's a ridiculous amount. I wouldn't feel so bad about it if I actually earned any of that money myself, but I didn't.

So, what about next year? A few things are constantly on my mind, regardless of the traditional new year resolutions:
- Get work, earn money. Hurrah.
- Spend less. Way less. How? I have nooooo idea.
- Keep working at relationships. That includes the BF, my own family, relatives, friends.

I still have much to learn.