In another moment down went Alice after it, never once considering how in the world she was to get out again.

Friday, June 30, 2006

Cold remedy

When was the last time I came down with flu? Three years ago? Five? Usually I can pick up that I'm about to fall sick and take precautions before I do. This time wasn't one of them.

Normally I wouldn't be worried, I'm not working after all. But this Saturday's the gathering that I reaaaaallly wanna go to. >.< So how? Time for *drastic* action.

My remedy for colds: Sauna effect.
Implementation: Wrap blanket around self tightly.
How it's supposed to work: The blanket keeps the heat in. Viruses and germs don't do to well in heat and should die out after a whole night like that. As long as you don't die from heat stroke first.

This always used to work for me as a child. This time however, I couldn't sleep. Can you say, 'counterproductive' ?

Still, after making my whole bed super stinko with sweat (no, it wasn't a pleasant experience), this morning I feel quite a bit better. At least I don't feel so fluffy headed anymore.

Big burly men to rock you to sleep are entirely optional

Tuesday, June 27, 2006


Me: (looking at library at ex-work place) Most of these books are too general for me now. I can’t decide what book to read.
Ex-colleague: VC just gave us some of books he was reading for his PHD. Right…here.
Me: Perfect! These look good, very relevant… that book’s really thick.
Ex-colleague: The English very power one, I read also headache. Can you read these books than tell us what they say? Take this one first lar.
Me: But…that one’s so thick! I have to finish all these books before I go to Oz. Crap!

Hence why I haven’t been online recently. @.@


Aattack, of the killer tomatoes!

Okay, that’s too random even for me. Next!


Mum: Do you need a new wallet? (shopping)
Me: No, thanks. I can use my old one.
Mum: We’ve got to kill some time before we leave, gotta pick up my checkbook later.
Me: In that case, let’s get me a new wallet.
Mum: What? Didn’t you say you didn’t need one?
Me: I don’t, really. My old one's fine but it's pretty old and we’ve got time. (pulls out trusty 10 year old wallet)
Mum: Ah!

Couldn’t find one I wanted though. Later.


I was fiddling around with my new sling bag. I love sling bags and satchels, keeps my pants free and I can bring around more stuff like my notepad, wallet, keys, phone, picks, comb and whatever.

Me: Ack! This thing’s left-handed. It’s a nuisance putting things in.
Grandma: You’ve got it the wrong way around. I think the bag should be on your front.
Me: What? No mama, it’s supposed to look like a miniature haver-sack. See? *show off*
Grandma: That doesn’t look right to me. You should always have your bag on your front. Otherwise you’ll be pick pocketed.
Me: But that’s the style mama! It looks silly if I hang it on the front.
Grandma: Try hanging it around the front.
Me: Fine. *slings it about* See?
Grandma: Much better! See, it’s just like a waist pouch. Only across your chest.
Me: …


Grandma: Come and eat some frozen durian
Me: *Frozen* durian? Mama, I don’t even like durian.
Grandma: Why not? They freeze it for me to keep it fresh. There’s such a thing as durian ice-cream wat.
Me: Ew. I know.
Grandma: (nyam nyam) Mmmm, you dunno how sedap**.
Me: No thank you, mama.




Woggles has been up to mischeif...

Noooooooo!!! *giggles*

Friday, June 23, 2006

Gym daze & Holes in our pockets

I’ve been trying to meet up with an old friend of mine for a while. He’s working however, so meeting up with him is pretty difficult. Worse, I’ve been in KL recently so I couldn’t make it for many meets. So when he asked me to gym at dinner time, I really couldn’t say no. Nevermind that that meant foregoing dinner since you can’t work out on a full stomach. Work up an appetite he said. See, he wants to lose weight.

Now, thin people with miniscule reserves of fat in their body like myself are keenly aware that exercise on an empty stomach was a big nono. So I postponed the gymming meet a little so that I could at least grab a quick bite. Since Malaysian’s don’t buy nor stock sandwiches, a quick hot dog on the go had to do it.

We were doing pretty well for awhile. But soon I felt familiar feeling of my head starting to spin. I begged off to rest, but my body was still pumping adrenaline and burning energy by itself, by then it was far too late. Soon I found myself helpless on the bench, futilely trying to shake off the dizziness and mostly just wishing I stopped a little earlier. That or eaten another hot dog. Sure, my body was tired. But my head was downright throbbing.

I realllllly hate that. I really should keep an emergency supply of fruit juice in my gym bag.


A meal of korean noodles and a good quanitity of sugary deserts put me back into shape, eventually. To be honest, my head still feels stuffy even as I write this now. Aaaaanyway, we chatted about how his marriage preparations were going and how big a hole marriage was burning in his pocket. Add to that the cost of the new house and the happy couple have been set back a far bit. A common way of starting a marriage, but not a pleasant one.

Then we talked about how a friend of ours who was already married was running a side business after work. The location of which was very poor and likely not earning much. I suppose he really needed the money, what with the new baby coming soon.

Then we talked about adoption, how one of his colleges is a single mum. But adopting a child cost her quite a pretty penny apparently. He recommended that I find a surrogate mother rather than adopt a random child whose parents probably weren’t very good stock anyway. Which was even more expensive. But that's a cost I've long ago decided I'm willing to pay for less risk, if only I could find a willing woman.

The conclusion? Kids = money. I’d better buck up with my money management and plan for financing a kid now if I’m serious about it. Right after I get back from Australia, that is.

Wait til ou put me in your pocket. :3

Tuesday, June 20, 2006


It has come to my attention that we have readers coming to our blogs under the age of 18. At least one girl aged 16, to be exact. As of such, may I my gentle readers to be more responsible with their language in the view of minors. Since I'm so benevolent with extra sugar on top, I'm going to help to less crude and more pleasing to the ear. (or is really an excuse to quote some of our sailor-mouthed bloggers? Heeeee.)

“Probably it got something to do with the bouncy owner as well... Heh...”

"maybe i would (should) be snuggle bunnying around first.... :p that is if i am "marketable" enough for the game...."

"I'm actually a skeptic about kaboom solely by being snuggle bunnies but now that I have withnessed it, I guess it must be true. :)"

“Let’s piak piak piak Alex!”

“Using whose bird bird for the piak piak piak? Mine is small, Paul's is thick.... *chuckles*”

“Yeah, I can confirm leggie and me never tried having heavy-duty snuggle bunnies while falling asleep, so nothing to share there la. :)”

“Backsides with Opinions”

“Let him run his hands through my hair and tug it softly so that I expose my neck and let him take and muack me. Let him grasp my backside and piak piak piak it.”

“Okay, now to make some creamy white salty gooey sauce to go with pasta tonight. Ah. Fettucine al Fredo. Fabulous.” (no cure for this one…sorry!)





Alternatively, you could just say “PAUL!” in all caps. I think everyone will understand. ;)


I lay down here
on this unfamiliar bed
Gentle music tickling my ear, teasing me
But not welcoming

My head is spinning
My stomach is churning
My heart is pumping
I can't sleep

Why am I here?
What did I seek to achieve?
Who did I think I was?
What was my true intentions?

My faults are laid bare for all to see

I wish to hide in shame
I've stayed too long
I can do no more here
but I can't leave
I am trapped in between the moments

I am the author of my own sorrow
I have no one to blame but myself


Yeah, yeah. Nobody reads these wierdo poems. I don't care. Just move along, people.

Monday, June 19, 2006

Happy Father's Day

"Happy Father day, Papa!"
"Hi...thanks dear. We'll see you for dinner later right?"

"Happy Kong Kong's day!"
"Haha...Happy grandson's day to you too!"

"Hey, Ban? I'm going to call dad. You want to wish him Happy Father's day?"
That was my brother speaking, while I drove down to meet everyone for dinner. It took him awhile to gather the nerve to make the call. I don't blame him. But he made it in the end, and even had a 'pleasant' conversation with the man.

Must I really wish this guy? Oh well, he did provide food on the table for all of us. Kind of. Not to


...Encourage us? No. The opposite, really. Putting us down at all times and scorning everyone in general made you feel better. That and continually praising yourself. Was your ego really so low that you needed to do that to pump yourself up in relation to everyone else? I hope I didn't learn any of this behavior.

Care for our feelings? Nope. It was all you. Your feelings, your needs, your wants, your ambition. Asking questions and saying things like "Why aren't you making me feel happy?", "Why aren't you giving me satisfaction?" "Why aren't you fulfilling what I want?", "Why are you having these emotional problems instead of studying in the course I chose for you? Just go to (street name) and find yourself a man to fuck!".

( Yeah, he really said that last one. Not exact words. But the message was essentially "Stop having issues. You can't study with issues. Just solve it by picking up a guy to fuck." At that time I was a staunch Christian struggling with my sexuality. I wasn’t too impressed. )

Not blame us for your own divorce from mum whom you were cheating on all these years, without protection sometimes? Nope. As if we'd rally behind you and convince mum to stay with you in spite of all the years you've been treating her like dirt. Don't you know we're loyal to her? That we are grateful for what she's done for us, the love she's shown in word and deed? That we'd want a better life for her?

Take any trouble to know us a little better? Somewhat. But in those moments, it always ended up to just listening to you talking for hours. You never cared to know what we think, what we feel, what values we keep. We're aliens to you. Alas, this worked both ways. We didn't connect to you either. We started to understand you and the type of person you were, but we couldn't connect to you. But then, at least we did try a little harder than you.

"Pass me the phone....Hey dad, I'm parking now. Happy Father's day!"

Then I gave the phone back to my brother. And that was that.

You've got a new family now, my dear father. Please, just don't mess them up.


In other news, Corren and her bf have got a new kitten. They even made it a sweater!

Time for adventure, in my lovely red sweater! The ladies will swoon for me. :3

What is this odd thing I've found? Hmmm, smells suspicious. Maybe I can't eat it.

Saturday, June 17, 2006

The Young God

He reached out
and plucked the Star from the heavens
The Star glistened brightly in his palms
A precious gem
He savoured its light, its warmth

The heavens grew dark, crumbling
fading into brambles of darkness, thorns of sorrow
But he only saw the Star
That precious gem
His precious gem
He carressed it
until the Star's light faded, dying
in his palms

He knelt in the inky blackness enfolding him
The broken star lay in his hands
until it was a part of the empty darkness
that engulfed them


No rabbits were harmed in this blog post.

Thursday, June 15, 2006

10 simple pleasures

How did I get pulled into this anyway?

My Top 10 List of Life's Simple Pleasures
(In no particular order)

1. Listening to music
Eh, pretty obvious. Just what music actually? My taste can be roughly described as pop, but I've been told that I'm really picky. I tend to only like select songs from various artists, with a few artists I like to listen to often. Examples of the former include “the Freshmen” from Verve Pipe, “Power of Goodbye” from Madonna (actually, I don’t like most of her work), “Rotterdam” from the Beautiful South, “My immortal” from Evanescence, “I will be here” from Steven Curtis Chapman, and “So we never got to Paris” from Out of the Grey. Yes, the last two are gospel artists. Examples of the artists who I listen to in general include Sarah McLachlan, Goo Goo Dolls, Tracy Chapman, the Rasmus, Collective Soul, and Garbage.

2. Soft toys and the like
I don’t really care that it’s childish. Mrrr… Fun for the whole family! Even better when you've got company.

3. Games - includes DotA, rpgs, strategty, action, and even puzzle. I like my games. PC games, playstation, anything computer related. I'm not playing so much of these nowadays though. Imagine that.

4. Meeting friends and hanging out, chatting - this was discovered quite recently in fact. Don’t look at me like that, it’s true. I’ve always been the non-social type. Gay friends I've found are particularly nice to hang out with. None of the dreaded four topics (cars, hand phones, babes and *football*). But meets with old friends from high school are refreshing as well.
However, sometimes I just need some time to myself. I can't actually keep up social meets for that long. Sure I enjoy it, but it also takes quite a bit of effort on my part at times. My social brain’s a little creak, let’s just say. So, particularly at the end of the day, I tend to shut down and stop talking.
The truth is, I also enjoy quite a bit of silence. I'm often perfectly happy having people I like and love around me without much verbal interaction, much to their dismay. That or I'll shift to physical play (see below) if possible.

5. Singing- what can I say? Thanks to church days, I’ve been doing a fair share of singing, combined with a significant love for music it’s no surprise that I like to sing. Not that I have much of a singing voice, unlike certain people. Voice range ain’t too great either. This is done mostly in the car or at home, while listening to the original track from my laptop.

6. Writing - I actually like to write. I prefer to write short snippets rather than long novels. It's a leisure activity after all. Although to be honest, I often find myself fumbling with the words, the mark of inexperienced writer. But the words are just the medium for painting a picture, an image, concept. It’s these that I tend to concentrate on first, then attempt to get through the mess of words later.
There's not many outlets for these. Blogs is one. Role play forums is another. I even have a novel in the works, but that's difficult to do as leisure due to the amount of effort needed to make a good running plot. On top of that, well, you'll be surprised what *doesn't* go into this blog. :)

7. Dreaming - It isn't as odd as it sounds. Just spending time alone to my own thoughts, thinking of things. Making up stories, creating heroes, designing RPs or games, thinking through problems, self improvement (a LOT of this one lately), creating imagery. Thinking about these things and just letting my mind wander off on its own is very therapeutic.
Again, I have to watch out sometimes as I lapse into day-dreaming when surrounded by chatting friends.

8. Sweet tooth - okay, I know I often say that I’m not a food person. Here’re the exceptions: chocolate ice-cream, chocolate cake, V-Soy, sweet drinks, sorbet, yogurt.. mmmmm… I can’t take too much at once though because I get ‘jelak’ quite quickly.

Rabbits may be sweet, but I'd rather not drink one down

9. Fishing - something I'd like to do more often. Not to say I'm very good at it. To me, the most important component of the fishing trip is in fact not the actual catching of fish, but where one goes to do the fishing. Fishing at a commercial fish pond by the city for massive but bred fish? Please. Give me a rainforest river, sitting on a log in the rain for little suckers that wouldn't feed a cat, surrounded by nature and creaking crickets. Sea fishing's not bad too if I didn't get sea sick. (ugh)

10. Hugging, physical play: Includes hugging (duh), tickling, whapping with an inflatable mallet, 'flopping' on top of another, scritching, snuggling, caressing, finger...oh, you get the idea. Sometimes when I run out of things to say (which is actually pretty often), I try to make up with this. Yes, I know.


Heyyyy, I forgot to tag someone with this meme! Er, not sure who's been tagged and who hasn't. Oh well!
Quick Silver Lining, Harvey, Shine, Old Navy Blue, Lawrence, Musang and Androjane, please give yourselves a quick slap to your bums and consider yourselves tagged. :)

Monday, June 12, 2006

Girl talks

We were talking about promiscuity and sleeping around and the like when my mum and papa told me this:
"You're too principled for that."

Trust my mum and papa to make me feel guilty by giving me a compliment.

Sunday nights often means talks with mum. Tonight was no different. Quite useful too, overlooking the talks on God and if homosexuality is caused by environment or not. Mum says it's stuff she'd tell her daughter if she had one. I found that pretty unflattering at first, but I had to agree in the end.

1. "Train leaving the station" syndrome
I didn't know what this was til mum explained it to me. It's common for guys leaving for somewhere else to be more attractive than they should be, she says. Implied are the words that such attraction isn't necessarily the real thing.
It's not the right time for me to getting a boyfriend back here. I can't hope for the relationship that's only had a month to go on before I leave to continue long distance. I don't want to kill the chances with someone who could have been Mr. Right after all. Speaking of which...

2. Hold out for Mr. Right
It's something I've told myself before, but I really could use some reminding now and then. The qualities I want from Mr. Right are pretty specific, and it's important I don't lose sight of them. I can't be too quick to choose, though I may be longing for the love of a man of my own.
But you know what? I don't even meet my own qualifications yet. I guess what's important now is the potential and willingness to grow and learn - together.

3. Don't be too trusting
Again, something I should know but is always good to be reminded. Men tell young girls that they're his first love, and have never felt that way for anyone before, yada yada. Lie about this, lie about that - it makes me wonder just how many guys I met thought *I* was the lier. Hmm.

Saturday, June 10, 2006

Defiant in Melaka, holidays and Brothers

It just occurred to me that I'm the only one left in Melaka.

Yeah yeah, I'm not the only gay man surely. But I've already covered why bloggers are so much easier to remain friends with compared to people one meets in Fridae or Axcest or whatever.

Fortunately, sometimes I'm blessed enough to have nice friends hop over to visist me at my pad. :D Enter Defiant. He's covered the trip pretty well actually in his blog. A pleasure to have him around. I even got to introduce him to my new rabbit, given to me by my college. Still unnamed as of now... maybe Snoopy.

EDIT: It's official; This fella's named Super Boing Boing. Don't look at me like that, the name s utterly innocent. I thought of it as a kid. Although, that's not saying SBB is...

Defiant's prezzies have been handed over - a DNA magazine and a 'toiiiing' Kangaroo. Don't ask me to explain, see it for yourself. And that leaves Alex, Xavier (heh heh heh), Legolas, Paul, and my melaka friend. All in good time.

So how have I been spending my holidays so far? Lots and lots of DotA.

Oh dear. That's already bad enough?

Reading? Minimal. Even worse. Not exactly up to par with what I want in the future. I'd buck up immediately, but I'm already leaving to KL for a series of trips and excursions. >.<


One good point about DotA that it helped crack my brother's thick phobia of all of "Ban's wierd gay friends". Ergo, if you're a friend of mine and you're gay, thus you are labelled wierd. Pretty unflattering for me actually, now that I think about it. Really, my bro's a nice guy but he has many faults too. One of which he's actually homophobic. At least he tolerates me.

But lo! It appears my brother loves a good audience to boost up his ego! Defiant proved to be an excellent audience when talking about our favourite game, both interested in the topic and responding in *just* the right way as if my brother was the next Sun Tzu. I kid you not.

I'm not sure how many friends I can get him to warm up to via DotA though. Maybe investments...

Wednesday, June 07, 2006

Devil's Haircut

(Warning, vanity post ahead.)

Yesterday was the 6-6-06, spawning much worry and prayer from Christians around the globe. And what a better day to get a new haircut! As I've mentioned before I can't seem to do anything different with my hair no matter how hard I try. I tried yet another hairstylist, recommended by my mum. This one gave more or less the same advice (high forehead? Must cover lor. Aiya, 20 something got such a old hair style, modern a bit larrr... You use the gel like this...) The end result was about the same: standing at the back and side, bangs over the temple. Something like that. I protested that I'd never be able to do that myself, gel or not, to which I was chided that I just needed practise.

"Haiyo, I gave this 12 year old boy a hair cut like that. His mother say arrr, he comb comb comb until he threw the comb away. Say 'Why this auntie give me such a wierd hair cut?' But you see now arrr, his hair like 'FOOM'. Wa, so~~~ style one. Very fast he can make make here, make make there, become like 'FOOM'."

To which I nodded, a little annoyed that a 12 year old managed to pull it off where I have failed. Sure I have been blaming my thin hair that's been in the same style for eons and is resistant to change. But surely if this kid could do it after some practise, I could to?

So I just spent half an hour today trying to replicate the same result. Combing, twisting, twirling, fluffing, pulling, toweling, turning upside down, and enough gel to drown a small nation, yet it refused to stand. Well, it's kind of standing. And it's kinda spikey. I guess.

I feel like 'FOOM'ing someone for this. With generous amounts of hair gell.

Friday, June 02, 2006

Last day of work

And that's that! I'm officially unemployed again. I was supposed to have left two days ago but they asked me to stay back a few more days to help out.

And I got lots of prezzies before I left! Some jambu (yum yum! D) , soft toy rabbit (another one!, I'm running out of space in my room. >.< Tooo many soft toys), an A+ teacher magnet (YAY! Me likes!), and a book entitled "What does the bible really teach?" by Jehovah's Witnesses (yes, I know. I swear, I can open a small religious library with the books I've been getting. First time I got one from a cult though). The parents were a little sad to see me go away. Okay, disappointed more like, since I won't be around to teach ther child. Some of the ones who were not aware I was going were visibly shocked. But it's nice to feel needed.

Seriously, I'm not sure I left with the new staff being well trained enough. Actually, I've never actually had to train new staff before. For that matter, I've only been teaching for 2-3 years. Mum sas it's like the one-eyed jack leading the blind. Then again, I think I've actually picked up quite a few skills during my brief work period. The parents seem to think so. Then again, there's definately a lot of room for improvement. Which is what my further studies are for of course. And reading.

Oh well! Got lots of things to do, and already borrowed a book home from the center's library. Gotta get back into that reading habit. Fix the car cd changer (yes, still broken from Paul's place), get a decent hair cut (yeah, right) and get a boy...*ahem*, prepare to leave.


In other news, I'm trying to help Louis at vunderworld get his forum RPG off the ground. Headache...not enough players anyway. Go on, join and give feedback what you want! And support Vunderworld while you're at it, us malaysian PLUs abroad (and soon to be) need people to support us. :)

I've also visited a free-form RPG forum I used to frequent. They've asked me to continue my last adventure which I couldn't complete. Wooo.